Day 52 of 61

Day 52 of 61: Catch-up

I'm soooo exhausted tonight, but I know my audience awaits. Part of my audience texted to remind me that my random nothingness is needed in order to make the world spin on its axis.
(a tired wink, wink)

I know you may be waiting for "Life With The Postman Part II," but if you don't mind, I think I will save that for..... the day after today. I'm so loopy tired, I believe that's called "tomorrow." You got that though.

I more so have energy for random tidbits of catch-up. Below is the tasty morsels of catch-up: (you can lick your fingers after)

1. The Postman and I watched a "Hot Ass Contest" at Navy Pier's Tattoo Expo. There were like nine contestants, and one of them was hysterical! I wish I could put it on YouTube!!

Imagine a woman in her late forties straight out of a rock video from the eighties. This "hot ass" contestant was: 5' 7", thin, blonde hair with FULL BLOWN teased, winged hair!! Her outfit of choice was pegged light acid wash jeans that were high-waisted, a cut-off, sweater tee, that barely was long enough to touch the top of her jeans, and an old-school black eighties belt that was looped through the belt loops. Just her outfit was priceless. Her hair on top of that, sent me in spastic fits of laughter and fear.

WHY? Why, does she think she should parade on a cheap platform like an ex-stripper? Why does she think the audience wants to see visions of their mother doing the bump and grind that even R. Kelly wouldn't approve. WHY? Why didn't she consider that flashbacks of her running her hands seductively through her hair then slowly dropping it like it's hot, would scar many of us for life? WHY? Universe, answer me! The scary part, people love a show. And boy did she give it! Her caressing and crotch bends won her 2nd place. Classy. Classy audience. Classier venue. You won't and I don't recommend you see that every day. The best part, her "daddy" helped her off the stage with one hand like a princess and proudly paraded her off into ....reality. (I can only hope. I'm out to save one life at a time)

2. I'm not single. I'm happily in love. Even then. Even happily in love can't stop me from promoting the absolutely heart-stopping, eye-mesmerizing, mind-stimulating, experience of being a spectator at the Annual Mens Health Urbanathon. Have you been? Awwwwwwwwww. I smile like a geeky school girl. The men. The men are SMOKING! No worries, no worries ladies, the Postman knows this is my entertainment once a year, and willingly allows me to enjoy my eye candy. We giggle about it, make jokes about it, and then I try to get the word out to all the single ladies. Forget bars, lounges, internet sites.....this is tight abs, quarter bouncing butts (more like bounce a quarter and get change of two dimes and a nickel), monster hamstrings with shorts that show it all off, powerhouse calves, and gorgeous faces! GOD BLESS the Mens Health Urbanathon. I wish the whole thing could be taped in slooooow motion. But, the great news amongst my eyes swinging back and forth: Postman did a fabulous job running the twelve mile obstacle course after successfully finishing a full marathon five days previously. Go hubby! You my powerhouse!

3. Almost died. (very little drama injected) At a fancy four star restaurant I almost died on the edamame appetizer. The edamame skin decided to lodge itself in my throat and pitch a tent. Not sexy at a fancy joint. Coughing like a swine flu victim freaks the rich out. I then proceeded to rocket an edamame out of it's shell into the air about 4 feet, almost hitting the table behind us. Not good I say, not good. Last time I was brought into public, I flung a lobster chunk onto a woman's shoulder. I'm so lucky that the Postman continually risks being seen with me.

4. NINE MORE DAYS TIL I HAVE FINISHED THIS 61 DAY COMMITMENT!!! Do a little dance.... make a little love.... get some sleep tonight. Get some sleep tonight! Honest moment: I want to be able to say I'm "recovered," but I think I'll be more like a crazy kid in a candy store on November 1st. Pray for me. With the holidays, I know I'm going to need all the strength prayers I can get.

Goodnight,
Discouraged Shopaholic