Day 3 of 61

Day 3 of 61: Diagnosis: Emotionally Disfunctional

I laugh when I think of what an emotional monster I was today! I was like ALL the fictional monsters combined together and determined to leave destruction in my path. He he. Thank God i can laugh about it now, even though there are others that aren't laughing at all....

I keep mentally telling myself that I should blame it on my monthly "enemy," considering everyone knows how tortured I am during it. But, I decided that would be irresponsibly inaccurate. Were the constant river of tears, that I could not for the life of me keep up with, partly the "enemy," sure. I just don't think pawning it off on the hormones would be what a "mature" thirty year old woman would do. (wink, wink)

Basically, not having the emotional outlet of shopping makes me equal to what a "bridezilla" would be. This of course makes me a peach to be around. My lucky friends, co-workers, and family have 58 days left of my sweet molasses demeanor. For curious minds, 58 days is 83,520 seconds. My mind was extremely curious.

The first two-thirds of my day was spent in a VIP pity party. Oh me. Poor me. "I'm gonna fail." Whah. Whah. Whah.

THEN....God was the best friend ever! He noticed I had given my heart to the real enemy for close to 20 hours, but He still didn't turn his back on me. Instead, He reminded me how much He overflows my life with his love, his favor, and his blessings. How?

There I was, woe-is me, and in walked this lady with a seriously sad case of Turrets, and she was convulsing non-stop. I cried inside. I cried inside for her. I cried inside knowing that I had been an irrational, ungrateful, ignorant, disloyal, wench, when this woman was suffering, yet smiling. Her name was Teddy. She was angelic. She has an obstacle she faces daily, and yet, she's smiling. Her sweet demeanor almost made her convulsions look like rhythmic dance moves. I know that's strange to say, but her internal "win" inside showed.

I believe Teddy was God's sign. Being my best friend, he reminded me how much He loves me, and how much He blesses me. Naturally, I felt like a pineapple ass. A total nut case. I'm healthy, I'm safe, and these two blessings are the blessings of freedom to live. So, he kindly shaped me up, slapped some serious guilt in my veins, and I perked up.

I, Donna Marie Hogg, will not get depressed over this. I am favor-filled. I am strong, like Miss Olympia, UFC, beat your ass, STRONG!

Normally, on the days Craig works late, I go shopping after work. He was amazing! Right before I left work he called to tell me he believed in me. He said he believed in me that I could travel four blocks, from work to the train, successfully without stopping at any shops. I DID IT! Who's your mama?!

Okay, 83,520 seconds left to be strong. The only thing is a good friend of mine, just told me that this 8 week jump start is the beginning to a life without addiction. Hmmm...a life time, sheesh!

Good night,
Discouraged Shopaholic