Day 22 of 61

Day 22 of 61: Stop Laughing

Tonight has been he hairy yous. That's hilarious for the slow people out there. It's a good feeling to know I'm going to bed with my sense of humor and a stupid smile on my face.

Where to begin? How about I just list the goofy things that happened. The truth is, all one can really do is shake her head. Partly in laughter, partly in pity.

1. The "master" (my boyfriend for those who didn't read yesterday) called me at work at 5:35 to harass me to get out of work on time, so I wouldn't be late for my training. Awwww! Oh, how sweet! Yeah....... don't be fooled. He was gitty. Gitty that I was getting to be tortured tonight. So save the sap. Here's the thing though.........WHY is he gitty about my personal training hell? I have two theories. #1 He is excited that I am getting the chance to work out. #2 He is excited that my fat Asian a** is actually going to the gym. My gut tells me it's the later. Bastard. (joking) (wink. wink) Let's keep it real, the man jumped up to see me when I got home to ask me if I was ready? "Uh. Noooooo. I still have like an hour and a half til it's time." All I can say is........wait til October 11th. He's running the marathon, and I'll be eating a hot, delicious, sweet Asian bun as I watch him pass mile 20 in Chinatown, and he'll still have 6.2 miles left. Ahhhh. Revenge.

2. I humped Tess the Trainer tonight. Enough said really. Okay....maybe it does leave too much for the imagination. So, this is what happened: She was kind enough to listen to me, and not work out my legs and butt. So, we focused on arms, back, and abs. Great! Civil. Well, that's until we got to a certain part. We are using this one machine that converts into God knows how many different exercises, which happens to be next to a mirror. It is humanly impossible to workout next to a mirror and NOT look at yourself at least once. Well, she is changing the torture device into a new exercise, which involves her bending over at a 90 degree angle. I decided to steal a quick glance at my hat backwards, homey-g look I was rocking. As I'm pushing stray hairs under the edges of my hat, I hear her say "okay, let's go!" So, naturally I start to walk towards her. (it's like a two foot walk) The thing is, I didn't stop looking at myself in the mirror, and I rammed her into her a**. In my defense, she should of told me she was joking when she said "okay, let's go." If it wasn't for her changing her mind on the amount of weight for the machine.....none of this would of happened. Picture it: trainer bent over in 90 degree angle (Asian), and the trainee (Asian) walks straight into her a** with a hard bump. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the other seventy-something people working out all around us. I truly believe, if they wanted to mix their workout with watching pornos, they would of stayed at home.

3. Have you heard of that song "You Found Me," by some guy? I wish I could remember the name of the person who sings it. Anyways, the song has to do about him asking God where He was when he needed him. I LOVE THIS SONG! My faith dances all inside me like a fairy princess when I hear this song. The point is, when I went to the grocery store tonight I was singing it. Not like American Idol loud, but audible. I had my cart filled with great "nutrition plan" goodies, and I was just singing and jamming in my head. There were two women standing about 2 feet behind me, and they witnessed it. What did they witness you ask? My monkey butt, singing, bopping my head, swaying my hips, all while I'm pushing my cart......into a huge wall of boxes! It wasn't like a tap, it was a KA BOOM! They gasped. I died. Who gets down like Ray Charles, singing like a Americas Got Talent reject, in the grocery store? Me. The funnier part, the words I was singing when I collided into the wall, were: "lost and insecure, you found me, you found me." Yeah.....I think that was one of the moments God decided to leave me in the lost and found. (sigh)

Good Night,
Discouraged Shopaholic